Parents & Screens: How to Practice What We Preach
“Mom, stop looking at your computer!” my six-year-old scolded me. “It’s hang out time!”
It was shortly after sunrise, a time when I normally hang out on the couch with my relentlessly early rising children and my coffee. On this particular morning, however, I had my laptop with me and kept getting distracted by it. I wish I could say it was because I was doing something important, but no. I was doom scrolling—at the expense of being fully present with my kids during a special time of day when they expected and deserved my undivided attention.
“You’re right,” I sighed, frustrated with myself for once again letting an algorithm suck my attention away from more important things. “I’m going to put this away.”
The Problem With Parents & Screens
In the SFCxUS community, we talk a lot about the harmful impact of excessive screen time on kids and teens, but the elephant in the room is us, the parents. What screen time habits are we modeling for our kids? Are we using our devices with intention, or as a default? Obviously, doom scrolling during family hang out time was not a great example of intentional digital usage on my part, and I know I’m not alone in my struggles.
The statistics on adults’ screen time habits paint a worrying picture. A 2024 US survey found that millennials—the generation raising most young kids today—average nearly 5.5 hours on their smartphones daily, while Gen X averages nearly 5 hours (this is in addition to computer, tablet, and TV time). That is a staggering amount of life spent on a screen, and a pretty blatant pot calling the kettle black situation if we are trying to get our kids to value real life over screens.
Source: Harmony Healthcare IT
In my opinion, these depressing stats say more about the powerful technology Silicon Valley has unleashed on humanity than they do about the willpower of individuals. After all, we’re only human and we’re up against extremely sophisticated algorithms engineered to keep us scrolling as long as possible. The game is definitely rigged. But that doesn’t mean we’re powerless.
Tips for Modeling Healthy Digital Habits
When we prioritize real life over screens, our relationships become richer, our creativity flourishes, our nervous system regulates, and daily life just gets better. Most importantly, our children benefit from having more engaged caregivers and from the example we’re setting for them.
But how can we actually do this consistently, given the forces we’re up against? Recognizing that we all have unique vulnerabilities when it comes to algorithmic influence, as well as different life circumstances that dictate the extent to which “unplugging” is even possible, I asked some SFCxUS parents to share their strategies on how to be more screen conscious. Their answers are below. My hope is that if you are looking to make changes in your digital habits, you will find at least one tip here that resonates and feels worth trying.
Tip 1: Make “People First” a Family Mantra
Kathleen, Eagle Mountain, UT
“My kids are all technically adults now (ages 18-31), and the creep of digital technology into our lives over the past decade has been unnerving, to say the least. It’s caused me to become more intentional about modeling healthy tech habits when we are together as a family. We gather for dinner almost weekly, so there are lots of opportunities for interaction amongst siblings, in-laws, and our three grandkids.
The mantra that I repeat to myself during our time together, as well as in any social situation, is this: PEOPLE FIRST. This keeps it simple, and the reminder to myself of ‘no phubbing’ has rubbed off onto my kids and has shifted our family culture in a positive way. I’ve found that the easiest way for me to do this is to keep my phone out of sight as much as possible, and I encourage my family members to do the same. I have an empty wooden tray on a shelf by the front door to hold phones, keys, etc. We’re far from perfect, but we’ve definitely gotten better at prioritizing the people in the room and being present with each other when we’re together.”
Tip 2: Establish Digital Sabbaths
Shaleen, Boston area
“A couple years ago, I found a book at the library called 24/6: The Power of Unplugging One Day by Tiffany Shlain about taking one day off from screens each week. Her family shuts everything down from Friday night to Saturday night—no phones, computers, TV, nothing. It sounded extreme, but also intriguing, especially because I've always been bad about checking my phone mindlessly.
We decided to give it a shot. The first time was weird, with lots of instinctive reaching for phones that weren't there. But after a few attempts, we got into a rhythm. Now we do it every weekend, and it's become one of my favorite parts of the week. Sometimes we plan big adventures—music festivals, day trips to new cities, exploring somewhere we've never been. Other times it's completely low-key—just reading, napping, playing board games, or hanging out and talking. There's something freeing about knowing the algorithm can't reach you for 24 hours, that you're not being fed whatever content is designed to keep you scrolling. I think it's important for all of us, especially kids, to experience what it feels like to go a full day controlling your own attention. Seeing me actually put my phone away has also made me more credible when we have family conversations about screen time. It's not a cure-all, but it's a valuable way to reset and remember what it feels like to be fully present. If you're curious about it, the book has a great blueprint and practical tips for getting started.”
Tip 3: Add Friction
Emily, Northampton, MA
“We've ‘grounded’ our internet, and we leave the Wifi off. Our phones now only connect through our data plan to the internet, and it isn't very reliable—things are slower and sometimes or in some parts of our home it doesn't work well at all. This reduces time spent using the phone outside of messaging and calling—more friction = less use.
My husband and I charge our phones in the kitchen, and we do not bring them to the bedrooms. We got an Ooma landline that we use in case of emergency or if our children are sleeping away from home and need to reach us overnight. We have a regular alarm clock for wake up calls. Our Ooma phone is also my 11-year-old daughter's primary means of keeping in touch with friends outside of school and her US-based grandparents.
We have one TV in our home and restrict use to weekends (with some occasional exceptions). We have a large framed photograph that sits on the entertainment console, covering the television. We find this removes the TV as being the central focus to a room that is otherwise filled with books, a piano and a play area.”
Other tips from Emily:
Put wifi on a timer. Internet-enabled TV, laptops, tablets, and other devices stop working when it turns off
Grayscale your phone
Devices like Brick can lock up whatever parts of your phone you want locked up, while leaving the things you need accessible
Consider what your biggest time sucks on the smartphone are and remove them/use only on a laptop
Tip 4: Put the Phone Away When Possible
Sunny, Atlanta, GA
“I was really struck by the arguments in the Anxious Generation when I read it last year, and it sparked a big change in our house. We have tried to minimize screens for the kids, with just one movie a week and required school assignments (which I try to print out whenever possible). I soon realized I would need to model screen-free habits myself. My rule is when I'm not working and the kids are in the house and awake, or with me on outings, I will not touch my phone. I usually leave it in an upstairs room if I'm home, and if possible I leave it at home when we go on outings.
The results have been very exciting. The kids complained at first, but then they learned how to be bored and to conquer their boredom. There has been a ton more reading, piano playing, crafting, art, games, outdoor play, etc. And for me it has also been very liberating. I feel much closer to the kids and I have all this free time (!) that I used to spend scrolling. It's not perfect. There are still plenty of times when the ‘siren song’ of the phone draws me in, usually when the guys are saying funny stuff on our fantasy football WhatsApp. But most of the time it works. I would recommend it to all parents.”
Tip 5: Books Over Screens
Patti, Roseville, CA
I never know where my phone is most of the time and I keep it face down or in another room. I'm pretty retro. My advice: when two or more people are together, never look at your smartphone. Carry physical books for you and your kids everywhere. On planes and doctors’ offices pull out your book instead of a screen. Model screen-free behavior for others.
Tip 6: Switch to a Flip Phone
Christina, Milwaukee, WI (author of this post)
“My screen time went off the rails during early parenthood, and The Anxious Generation was a much needed wakeup call. I ultimately switched to a flip phone over a year ago, which has transformed my life for the better. Removing the option of scrolling on a smartphone has been radically liberating. I am more present with my kids (usually). I’ve learned to be bored again and have rediscovered how boredom eventually transitions into creativity and wonder if you just sit with it awhile. I’ve read more books in the last year than the prior decade combined. I’ve also noticed that I feel a sense of calm and peace in my body when I don’t have access to the internet. While the flip phone is not a cure-all, as demonstrated in my laptop doom scrolling example above, it has been a huge help.
Another tool that’s helped me a lot is an app called Freedom, which I use to block distracting websites or even the entire internet from my laptop for set periods of time. And last but not least, I deleted my Instagram account a year ago. I used to waste so much time watching brain-rotting reels, getting caught up in social comparison, curating my own highlight reel rather than living in the moment, and getting outraged over political content designed to divide. What a relief to be done!”
The Goal Is Progress, Not Perfection
Striving for a low-tech lifestyle in today’s tech-saturated culture can feel like a lonely, uphill battle at times. Just remember: perfection is not the goal—progress is. And also, progress isn’t always linear. It is easy to backslide into old habits from time to time. When that happens, show yourself some compassion and then get back up and keep trying.
Finally, know that you don’t have to do this alone! If you’d like to join a community of like-minded parents who are walking this path together, please consider subscribing to our newsletter and/or joining our WhatsApp groups.
